Distance, loneliness and alcohol often grease the tracks for the derailment of a long-distance relationship. If you're currently in a long-distance relationship and have just read the preceding section, you're probably freaked out by now.
And by freaking out, you may just jeopardize an otherwise healthy long-distance relationship. Sorry about that. Plenty of relationships end because of trust issues whether real or perceived , and long-distance relationships are a minefield of them. There's really no way of knowing whether or not an S. But remember that close proximity offers no guarantees, either. A healthy, monogamous relationship requires of its participants a moral compass, ethical grounding, commitment and devotion.
A trusting relationship has a lot to do with your personalities, your dating histories, your behavioral patterns and whether you're naturally a jealous person. If your S. Your S. Or, in a misguided effort to protect your heart, you may decide to make some bad decisions of your own.
But, as we'll find out next, even if jealousy doesn't ruin your long-distance relationship, financial strain could. While you were once able to meet for a sandwich and hang out downtown, getting together with your S. For people in romantic relationships who live in different regions of the country, a few yearly visits to maintain the relationship could cost big bucks.
Add to that long-distance phone bills, the shipping costs for care packages, and going all-out when you do get to spend time together, and you may be looking at a pretty pricy love connection. Of course, overall, your relationship's financial costs may actually be the same or less, since all those former daily outings and nighttime entertainments aren't happening -- but that's assuming your social life shuts down in the absence of your S.
More likely, you still go out, but now you hit the town with your friends instead of your sweetie. In fact, a sense of loneliness or a need for distraction may leave you with a fuller social schedule than you had before the commencement of your long-distance relationship.
Even if you tighten your financial belt on regular social outings, the costs of maintaining that long-distance relationship can be quite high. There's the expense of traveling to one another pricy either by car, train or plane , taking time off from work and kenneling a dog, as well as what you'll actually pay while in each other's presence after long periods of separation.
Depending on the personalities and approaches of both parties, maintaining a long-distance relationship can be time-consuming with little in the way of return on the investment. The frequent e-mails, phone calls and cards sent through the mail take up a lot of time and effort, and as it turns out, keeping up with each other's news isn't necessarily the same as growing closer.
As more time passes, the distant object of your affections can begin to seem like something abstract and less than real. An e-mail in your inbox isn't the same as having someone nearby who can help you in person, who can share your day with you, and who can create new memories with you. The distance can be a serious wound to a relationship, and the efforts to maintain long-distance contact can seem like mere bandages placed on a gushing artery.
Eventually, the growing loneliness may make the wound too severe to warrant more "treatment" -- it may be time to declare time of death. If concrete plans to reunite aren't in the near future, the projected gains may be too little to warrant moving the relationship down the temporal road.
You've done everything in your power to keep your long-distance relationship going strong, but it still seems like it's faltering. You write letters, keep up with your S.
So why isn't it working out? Sometimes, long-distance relationships are designed to fail. It can be -- in one person's thinking, at least -- a safe way to start a new life without right away losing the security and stability of his or her previous life. Even if a person has no intention of staying in a long-distance relationship, he or she may also fear jumping into a new environment without any support system whatsoever. However, once the new surroundings start to feel familiar, those phone calls "back home" may decrease in frequency, duration and interest.
Aside from the sense of security a temporary long-distance relationship can provide, some people just don't like initiating the emotional havoc that breaking up inevitably causes.
For people who prefer to avoid confrontation at all costs, going long-distance with a S. Whereas breaking up on the telephone is in exceedingly poor taste in a normal relationship, there may be no other option in a long-distance relationship, and this may appeal to someone who's scheduling a move across the country -- and a breakup to go with it.
What we -- and our partners -- expect out of a long-distance relationship goes a long way in determining our happiness and the success of those relationships. It may mean "heart-wrenching tragedy" to one person, while for the other partner it means "year-long vacation. If a couple doesn't share the same expectations before the separation occurs, it can spell doom for a long-distance relationship.
For one half of the couple, it may be viewed as a test of the relationship's strength, with an eye toward reuniting as soon as possible. The other, however, may view the separation as a fresh taste of life all on one's own. A boyfriend or girlfriend who wants to talk 10 times a day isn't going to appreciate a partner who thinks it's ideal to check in every few days.
Even over a scratchy phone connection, it won't take long for someone to realize that his or her S. It is not optional or "only when you have time". Long-distance partners are still people. The distance tends to make them less "personal" to us, but by maintaining frequent and open lines of communication and by fostering trust and positive emotions, it is possible for an LDR to work, even long-term. In fact, as the research cited here suggests, LDRs work pretty much the same as geographically close relationships.
Treat them the same way, and you should be able to make it work. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. Krapf S. Moving in or Breaking Up? Eur J Popul. Long-distance dating relationships, relationship dissolution, and college adjustment. Emerg Adulthood.
Go long! Predictors of positive relationship outcomes in long-distance dating relationships. J Sex Marital Ther. Aylor BA. Maintaining long-distance relationships. New York, London: Routledge; Cameron JJ, Ross M. The Journal of Social Psychology. Dainton M, Aylor B. Communication Quarterly. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
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